What the Hell happened to HALLOWEEN Part 6 The Curse of Michael Myers Producers Cut!!!

Part 6 The Curse of Michael Myers (Producer’s Cut)

You know it’s going to be good when I cant write out the example for this film that I want too. Not because it’s difficult to write. But because even though its funny, and perfect. I am pretty certain, like 90% certain they’d kill me for sharing it. They’d have to find me first, but oh well.

Instead we’ll use brain juice and say that. This film was hot garbage on top of more garbage, that then got turned into nonsensical garbage and released without notice.

Imagine being told, tonight we are going to have pizza. But not just any pizza. It’s going to be the hot spot in town you like. How does that sound? You enthusiastically agree, The getter of the pizza goes out, and returns. But without the promised pizza from Pizza Heaven. They instead come with ingredients to make their own pizza. Which you question. Greatly, and now face disappointment. They reassure they will make it even better. By going back out and getting you the desired Pizza. You question this because they just went out and got ingredients to MAKE a pizza, now they’re going to head out and spend more on the pizza they originally sold you on? An hour later they come back and present you with 2 frozen pizzas. The pitch is that, this way you can both have a whole pizza with your favorite toppings and nothing gets wasted, no pizza is cut short. It’s a whole pizza all for you! This is getting crazy, and you wonder why didn’t you just order pizza over the phone. So the pizza getter assures you they will make this right, and dinner will be De-Lish-us! So they head out once more, returning 4 hours later. You are starving, pissed off and they have a bag of Taco Bell they ordered an hour ago and brought home. They tell you they figured Pizza was a bad idea so they’ll get it next time and decided to get taco bell instead. They didn’t want to eat it at home because it’d be ruined by then so they ate there’s first then came home with yours. “At least you still get dinner”

This is, the best way to put this film. It in no way shape or form needed to exist or be made. It didn’t need to be what they pitched, what they wrote. What they then sold, and then cut apart and released. It just did not need to exist in the first place, and you should’ve just enjoyed rewatching part 4 again.

Every attempt with this story, made it worse. The cuts they made, made it worse. Tackling the story is, a challenge, given the cuts of this film and my ultimate decision to go with the version people think is still abysmal and garbage, but at least it makes more sense than the theatrical cut. If you want it too.

Story

This film takes place 6 years after Michael was rescued by the now called “Cult of Thorn” in part 5. Jamie is still alive and well. She is kept in an underground crypt, catered too by the cult. They really love her. Because Jamie has a condition called pregnancy. So being a cult, you can’t not be a cult without a baby ritual of some kind. Jamie flees this crypt thanks to the help of a cult member who was cool being in a cult but not so cool with baby rituals. So Jamie and her baby get out into the free world. She hides the lil bouncing baby boy, and Michael kills her.  Because killing Rachel off the first 15 minutes of the last film worked so well, lets do it again with Jamie. Why not.

Well don’t worry they didn’t just kill her off like that. Rude. She survives. At least long enough to tell a familiar face about her hidden baby who has not at all screamed for its mother while being stuffed away somewhere dark and cold. This person she tells about the baby? Is Tommy Doyle. The same Tommy the movies were going to follow and decided against. Tommy is now a reclusive survivalist who is full hog into the hunting of Myers and this cult of thorn. Tommy heads off to collect the baby quest item and gain xp. Jamie can rest happy knowing her bouncing baby is safe. Until the fabled man in black returns and shoots her in the fucking head. See they subverted your expectations. They didn’t kill her at first to upset you, they let her live. So they could kill her again! Pure Cinema.

Tommy is now carrying a baby and being the Michael Myers stalker he is. He has introduced himself to Kara Strode. Who is not Laurie Strodes daughter. Don’t worry she didn’t have multiple hidden children, Jamie remains the only child of Laurie. Kara however is Laurie’s adopted cousin. Fair enough.

Tommy is a good guy, he assures us of this by not stalking per se Kara. So much as knowing her entire family is always in danger because of Michael and his need to kill not just the family, but their children. Of which Kara has a son. So he, not her is in danger. Tommy shows his good guy status by protecting her son, and waves the baby in Karas face to show her he is good with kids and trustworthy.

If it sounds confusing don’t worry, we have Dr. Loomis yet to get too. This would mark Donald’s last appearance as Loomis and last film before his death. The saddest part of this is the fact he felt this movie would be the best in the series, the part of this that shows a god exist in this world is that he didn’t live to see the film.

So yes Loomis is in this and teams up with Tommy to hunt down Michael. Whom shows up and begins slaughtering. It’s what he does. Only this time it’s not as random and heartfelt. Because we need story and growth we need to explain why Michael is the way he is. Michael is bound by the cult via a hex. The mark on his wrist. The cult, you’d imagine uses Michael to kill for them. But no that’s too simple. Grab your pipe and drug of choice, it will only help.

Michael is the sacrifice. Their tool. He was chosen at birth, and on the night of a ritual, he inherited a demonic presence. Which granted him supernatural strength, unnatural life and healing. He received what they called the Curse of Thorn. The curse would force the sacrifice to kill their entire bloodline. Doing this would grant the cult. Nothing you’d imagine. They don’t do it for power. They don’t do it for eternal life. Their payment. For generations of a Michael Myers appearing and wiping out bloodlines thousands of years ago, is that they will not be afflicted by plagues, starvation. Basically what would be a top concern of peasants back in the dark ages. Not so much today. We are told all this in the producers cut, not the theatrical.

We are told this, because Tommy believes that Kara’s son is chosen to become the next cursed child once Michael finishes his job. Which doesn’t make sense given that kid is part of the bloodline he’s meant to destroy but. Whatever. Fuck it who cares.

Anyway.

The cult gets the baby, they begin their ultra cool cult of personality ritual to welcome young Danny as the new Michael, and the baby as their…whatever. Binding them and continuing the demons slaughter with Danny becoming the new wearer of the mask.

Tommy is against this strongly, and if he wishes to get kara another strode to keep the family line going he has to save Danny. So he counters their ritual with one of his own.  This paralyzes Michael. Magic has stopped the unstoppable man and the group are free to go. Dr. Loomis leads them all out to safety but he shant leave this doomed asylum of horror. He has unfinished business. He has a Michael to finally kill. So he travels back, finds Michael chilling out motionless and gives his swan song speech about life being funny, and his plans for opening a bar and grill, retiring with titties in his face and beer in his hands. He removes Michaels mask before he plans to kill him, only to discover it isn’t Michael. It’s the man in black. Who was revealed to be a go nowhere character that was a friend and colleague. Does not matter, no one gives a shit. The man is seen dying, having been placed in Michaels mask and clothes by Michael. Whom is now roaming dressed as the man in black. Using the last of his cult leader strength the man in black grabs Loomis by the arm and delivers a real. Passionate. Strong mans kiss. Telling Loomis, ‘Where are you going with all that cake, when people like me are starving for a sweet snack’, actually no he just grabs his arm whispers “it’s your game now” and dies. As he dies Loomis looks in horror at his own wrist where the man grabbed him and he now finds the mark of thorn upon himself. Marking him as the new cult leader of Thorn, and the official guardian of Michael. He screams like someone waking up wondering where their bottle of shampoo is  before spotting the large opened bottle of lube and magnum condom wrapper beside them and the realization where the bottle is, and the fullness they feel. Roll credits. Rest in Peace Mr. Pleasance.

That is the story. Condensed as it is. That is the films story. It sounds like word salad how I told it. Watching the movie does not help. It makes even less sense. Be it producer’s cut or not. But not the theatrical cut. Which is only. And I do mean only, the smallest reason why this film crashed and burned. Even having to ask, what the hell happened, isn’t going to make it any better. Trust me.

But we’re still here to try and understand. Just what the fuck happened in this movie, and the series, and the multiple cuts.

Refill your glass bowl, it’s only going to help. Believe me.

 Let’s start with the crust of this shit pizza. The story for this film.

The original concept they went with for this film, after the ending of the last? The film was first pitched as Halloween 666. The film would have followed an investigative journalist digging into the story of Haddonfield, Michael and the cult. Tommy Doyle was also in this script, finally returning though he was denied that in Halloween 4. Tommy would be a computer hacker specializing in the ultra cool 90’s high tech Virtual Reality. Which he uses to decode and research Celtic astrology, runes and magic. Michael Myers of course would return. But much differently. Given he was let go in the last film you’d think the cult would take care of him having freed him. No. Instead Michael is living as a maskless vagrant on the streets. Michael has adopted to living a life where no one knows what he did, who he was, and living his best life. Until he learns there is of course another Strode left in this world. The daughter of Laurie, Ja-Dana Childress.

Yeah.

The script was going to introduce this new woman as the lost daughter of Laurie. Apparently Laurie got around and famously reacted like a scared dog when giving birth. Squeezing out babies and running off leaving them behind covered in afterbirth.

Tommy the hacker, would use VR to decipher runes as well as track the cult and their antics as well as Michael. Sounds like a great plan.

Wisely. Akkad decided to scrap that idea. He had a moment of clarity deciding that, audiences may not like having another daughter of Laurie’s, when Jamie was already that. Which reminded him that Jamie was still alive in the last film so this too would further upset what fans were left because they would want to know what became of Jamie. They also decided the high tech virtual reality angle was dumb. It would cost a lot to show him in a virtual world deciphering runes and Celtic bullshit. So why not cut it down to Tommy is a book nerd and just does classical research the old fashioned way.

Speaking of doing things the old fashioned way. Scraping the idea of the long lost second daughter. We return to Jamie, whom we find in the film to be pregnant. Was this how the story always was once they brought her back? Yes. This began the second path of why did you do this. Because they had to decide on something important.

Each new version of the story had Jamie being kidnapped after the events of Part 5. She would be held by the cult, and once she was of, birthing age. She was impregnated.

At first, the father of her baby as we see delivered in the films opening. Was the cult leader himself Dr. Wynn, the Man in Black.

Thankfully, and shockingly. The studio felt that, having a much older man impregnate a young teenage girl was, for lack of a better term. Fucked up. Actually they described it(and this is important) They found it too taboo, too realistic, too depraved.

So obviously that had to be changed. So a new father would be named, as well as a better method that didn’t involve sex with a teenager.

They found the answer! Magic! They would use ritual magic to make Jamie pregnant. This time the father wouldn’t be the old man Dr. Wynn. Instead it’d be Michael! They don’t call in Wincest for nothing folks!

Yes, it was, and is directly implied. That Michael, Jamies uncle, through magic was the biological father.

Somehow, for. Reasons. That idea too was scraped. No idea why but, they felt it just seemed a little too. Well no shit they scraped it. So the next logical answer?

Enter the producers cut. This time around, Jamie will be made pregnant through ritual magic. But the father? The father would be the essence of the demons evil that resides within Michael.

Because sure why the fuck not. Michael the uncle knocked up his niece?! NO! he didn’t have sex with her you perv! They used magic! HOW IS THAT BETTER?! ITS STILL HER UNCLE!! No! No, no, no! You pervs. It’s not Michael himself. It’s the evil WITHIN Michael that got his niece knocked up!

Well this was too much. For everyone. Obviously, right? So they changed it. Again.

This is what they did for the Theatrical cut of the film. Because you can’t go around explaining ritual magic pregnancy involving the evil within her uncle as the father. Or the old Man in Black as the father. So the studio, in an understandable panic. Changed this yet again. They made it make logical sense. They tossed out the WHOLE IDEA! Fuck your ritual magic pregnancy! Instead they went with science bullshit that could be more believable.

In the theatrical cut, Jamie is with child through artificial Insemination. They even filmed a scene to support this, where Tommy would do a walk through a room of unformed horrors showcasing each attempted embryo. So who was the father this time? Who donated their nut butter to artificially inseminate Jamie?

Michael.

They took out the rune magic ritual. The essence of evil transfer, the old man, and Michael through magic impregnating Jamie…and decided to collect Michaels little swimmers, plant them in Jamies eggs, and introduce the egg back into Jamie.

This was just the beginning. People. You have to realize this. This was just the fucking script stage. It started off ripping itself off, course corrected by knocking up teenage Jamie, and instead of stepping away from that concept. They doubled down, then tripled down on it.

What could possibly go wrong from there once they settled on the script?

The casting debacle.

Danielle Harris, who I admittedly as a kid had a crush on, and even more admittedly still love today and think she’s done awesomely for herself. Paid a huge price for nothing in this film.

When it was announced Jamie would be returning for the film. Danielle fought to return to the franchise and reprise her role. At the time of filming she was 17 years old. It’d fit the character perfectly, unfortunately given the story. So why not use her? Firstly it was a problem with her age. Game of Thrones more famously brought this fact to life as did Harry Potter before it by telling the public, that when casting young actors in your films and television shows. They have to operate on different schedules because of child labor laws. They have to dedicate time to school, and you can’t have them working certain hours. The answer presented to Danielle by producers, Akkad, and the studio whom at the time was Dimension/Miramax? Legal emancipation.

The producers, studios, and Akkad pushed for her to file in court for legal emancipation. If a young adult under 18 files for legal emancipation, this means they legally are recognized as an independent adult. Meaning they no longer fell under strict child labor laws for schooling, locked in hours. She becomes a legal adult responsible for herself no longer needing support from her family.

Danielle cared enough about this franchise and her character. That she did it. She spent a large sum of money on lawyers, court filing fees, and she did it. She pushed and spent a large portion of her money from the past two films and was now a legal adult. She was ready to return as Jamie.

So why didn’t she? Did she realize her uncle would be getting her pregnant and she’d die in the film? No. Instead the studio stopped her.

The same studio that pushed her to seek emancipation, cut her out. She was ready to sign her contract as Jamie, she gave them her original contract pay of $5,000, and the studio said no. Instead they offered to pay her between $800 to $1,000 for her role.

The girl spent over four grand in fees, because the studio pushed her to free herself to work for them. Only to severely undercut her from the franchise. So she walked away. For someone to have that amount of love for a film franchise their character helped resurrect, to go through all that and with the insistence of both Akkad, the studio and everyone involved on the production level. Just to know you’d repay their loyalty with shit. Is pretty fucked up. They can’t even blame it on a tight smaller budget. This film would receive a $5 million dollar budget. It was just a matter of one department having no connection or care for Harris and her place in the franchise.

Surely that is enough as to why the film failed and what happened to it, right?

Oh if only.  We are just now getting into the next battle. The classic studio vs the producer vs the director.

In the early 90’s, Miramax and Dimension was carving a name for itself as a home for horror. They knew it would bring in cash and they embraced it. Much like Lions Gate when it became the home of horror and house of SAW. At this time they ended up purchasing the rights to Halloween and the franchise. Solidifying the casket that we will be scratching our way through after this film. While they bought the rights to the series, Akkad still maintained George Lucas like control, creatively over the franchise.

As always Moustafa had his original unchanged vision to stick too for this series and character. The tried and true slow burn atmospheric horror that worked in the first four(excluding three of course). Miramax however wanted more. They wanted bloodier, gorier, faster more intense kills. That’s what the kids of today wanted and craved. That’s what they’d get. So the two constantly were at odds with one another and Akkad would have to fight an uphill battle he wasn’t really used too. Had it been his own studio? No problem. But now he was in the position of being told what to do, moved down the line to finger waggling knowing he couldn’t threaten to pull out the franchise. He could only watch things happen and give his input for what should happen. Whether it would is a different story.

The film also carried on the odd tradition that plagued later Jason films as well. The director was not a fan of horror, and hated the franchise. He didn’t ask for the project, and didn’t want anything to do with it. He was given the film as part of a multi film contract he signed with the studio. He hated this to a point where it matched the trend set by this film from its script stages.

He hated everything to do with the cult of thorn. Good! Good on you sir, yes, to hell with the dumbass cult of leprechauns. It didn’t win anyone over in Season of the Witch, it wont work here!

He also hated the long winded speeches given to Dr. Loomis. Okay I…well if they’re good that works, his character is supposed to give speeches and unfurl the thing that is Michael for us. But. Okay I guess?

He hated the continuity and flashbacks of the film. Oh…okay, but it’s part of…a series you. You kind of need this.

He hated Akkad’s Carpenter style Halloween with a passion. Slow burn sucked, it has to be for modern kids who want fast kills no explanations, no speeches. Just kill, kill, kill! O-oh okay um. Well yay for the killing but, oh god make it stop.

He hated the music. He wanted grunge, Alternative rock, music of the new generation. Fuck Alan Howarth and fuck Carpenter.

Did I mention the man hated Donald Pleasance role entirely? He hated the character of Dr. Loomis? Because it cannot be understated. The man legitimately hated him and his role.

Old man slow. Old man not needed. Your ruining a movie I don’t even want to make and I’m trying to make it hip and cool!

It takes a special kind of director to actively both film a movie, and also hate his movie. But it takes an even more special person to begin actively butchering and destroying their own work.

But he did.

Before even the MPAA could get ahold of this film, and oh believe me when they did…But before that. The director, because Akkad represented everything he loathed with this film and the franchise. He chose to side with Miramax executives and when the studio handed him a scalpel telling him to slash away scenes and change the narrative. He said bitch please and pulled out a chainsaw. The man hacked away at his own film and became Michael Myers. He made cuts without emotion or thought. His eyes rolled over black and he just hacked and slashed and hacked away.

Atmospheric tension was replaced with music video style editing, cuts, loud music and rapid fire scenes. When it came time to focus his murderous rage from the film back to its ending, he focused solely on the cult of thorn. He cut out the entire cult ending and reshot a new, better ending. He tossed the ritual druid magical mystery tour, and turned the entire thing into a laboratory massacre. He added in the fetuses, the cloning idea, artificial insemination concept. All of it. Michael didn’t survive only to become the pet of Loomis. He gets a huge injection of green ooze straight from the sewers of New York, and Tommy beats the man to death with a lead pipe.

It doesn’t seem like much? But given you had two films building up all this new lore and the last one setting up the cult directly. It was a lot. But there was still more with the ending! Since he cut out the original ending and Michael no longer passes on to Loomis, You still had the footage of Loomis at the end telling Tommy and the group he has to return to the building for unfinished business. Loomis walks inside the building and instead of finding Michael on the floor where Tommy left him? He finds Michaels mask. Then we hear him screaming and the film just, ends.

Did Michael kill him? Did he scream because the nightmare will continue as Michael has again escaped as he often does? It’s up to the viewer.

Since the director killed the original ending this was all they had. There was no reshoots. Nothing they could do. Pleasance was done filming and unfortunately passed once the producers cut of the film was assembled.. They had no choice but to edit together from bits and pieces a new, rushed ending, recycling his scream from the original ending, and called it good.

Surely this is it before the film faces the inquisition?

Well you can’t have disaster without a natural disaster! The film ALSO was filmed of all times to film a Halloween film. In the dead of winter. Which fits oddly because the last movie was filmed during the summer and they had to ship in fall colored leaves. Winter filming is always fun because actors have to learn not to breath when acting so as not to exhale plumes into the air. It also means they have to dress for warm nights in the freezing fucking cold. In this case. It actually was quite literally freezing fucking cold. The filmed this in Salt Lake City. I have had the unfortunate and fortunate luck of having visited Salt Lake city as a kid. And I remember we did so in the winter season. I remember because our parents told me and my sister, repeatedly, and stressed to us. Pick out the thickest warmest coat you can find. Because it’s gonna be cold as balls. Having lived our lives in California we had no idea what cold was until we traveled through Salt Lake city, and Arizona.

The actors had to dress for warm weather on film, during sub zero night shoots. No one was happy for any of this. Being wrapped in blankets, then taken out and forced to act in the actual freezing outside no one would be caught dead without a coat is, insane but typical of Hollywood. However what wasn’t typical and added to the fun, was they got hit with an actual blizzard. Thanks to the blizzard sets were closed down, equipment froze and locations became unfilmable. Forcing more rewrites and setback the film largely on its schedule.

When even the hand of Cthulhu extends and tries telling you to stop this bullshit and walk away. You’d think they would listen. But no. They carried on.

The film, frost bitten, limping down the road, eyes frozen open and disjointed, an unrecognizable creature formed into a theatrical cut. Finally brought itself before the warm hearth of the MPAA.

Even after the rewrites. Reshoots, the director going ape shit gutting his own film. And the studio getting what they wanted, a gory bloody murder parade of Fuck you Moustafa. It now had to face the MPAA and the looked at the disjointed masking tape held together beast. Only to further cut at it and dismantle the film.

Because the studio pushed for a bloodier film for the modern audience. The MPAA absolutely was not going to let it fly. The film was threatened repeatedly with an NC-17 rating. Alienating the very audience they said they made the film for, blood lusting teens. The same audience the MPAA was vividly against and wanted gone. This was released in 1995. The end of the long standing war on horror was approaching. That didn’t mean the MPAA would show mercy. It was the opposite. Much like Sabaton told us in their song Resist and Bite, “When faced with retreat or death, a rare breed of soldiers choose a third option, they resist and bite.”

The war would end soon when Wes Craven brought SCREAM before them, and fought them with the idea the film was self aware parody and meta horror. Halloween The Curse of Michael Myers would not have this fight. It was facing the rabid jaws of a beast that had grown tired of the flesh it devoured from horror. Though horror was the bread and butter of Miramax/Dimension. Whom would come to release Scream later. It was no longer the power house it used to be, and did rather sub par in theaters. It was seen as what the MPAA and studios had devoured it into. A dead nearly dying ‘thing’. So absolutely the movie was eviscerated by a not yet done with it beast.

Michael Myers ripping out someone’s spinal cord? The hell you thinking son?! Cut it!!

Michael gutting a nurse, spilling out her guts? Y’all need Jesus! CUT IT!

You tossed Jamie into a corn thrasher? The fuck you did psychos! Cut that shit!

One of the funniest cuts though. For some reason the MPAA is offended greatly by sex, and head explosions. Read into that what you will. But in the film The Man in Black had his head taken off. Michael had enough of him and off went his head. The MPAA said no and cut it. The movie being done and no more shooting happening. This created a plot hole with the end of Dr. Wynn and what happened to him. Earlier when Michael goes after kara, he explodes her abusive step fathers head via electricity. It still works. I mean it’s not bad, bad. But it cuts away so quickly from his death you end up with a ‘who cares moving on’. Like Clark Griswald rushing his family from the Grand Canyon. He’s rushing his family back to the car, his wife ask if he even stopped to look, he turns, nods out at the grand canyon then rushes them off quick as can be to the car.

Its still pretty good effects work, but no head explosion.

Same goes for Kara’s mother. She gets an off screen death, where in the cut before had her shown receiving an axe gift from Michael.

With everything this film faced, I can easily see the studio presenting itself to the MPAA , falling on their knees and begging for mercy on behalf of the film.

I mean all of it. Everything was one brutality after the other. It was relentless, and now you had to bring it before a board known for hating horror. Giving them a film which was due to release in theaters and you had no time, no money, no energy for any kind of reshoots. This thing was going to be released as a snuff film. I keep hearing the line from the Simpsons, Stop hitting him he’s already dead.

But they still kept persisting.

And yet, they still had one final nail added to their coffin.

Even after all that. Everything. The film still had to show itself to the public.

Like any good freakshow. It had a fairly strong opening. People were excited to learn what happened to Jamie. They wanted to see, they wanted to know. Now they know.

This film continued the trend Jason and even Freddy eventually joined in on.

It made $15 million. At a cost of roughly $5 million. Critics, audiences, fans hated this film. Hated it. The movie was eviscerated by everyone and was panned across the board as a massive critical failure.

But…

It made just enough, to be considered profitable.

Quality does not matter to these people. As long as something can be made. There is still life in the old girl yet.

It’s comparable in a lot of ways to today, more specifically you could look at the modern western gaming market and games like Wolverine. The game cost hundreds of millions. It was torn apart by critics and fans. People openly mocked it and yet they still called it a success, again siting Thrawn in the Ahsoka show, there is victory even in defeat.

They never learn, and they never will.

Because still. Somehow. After the brutality that was The Passion of Michael Myers. They made even fucking more.

But hey, this time they had a better premise to sell it on! This would be their Jason Takes Manhattan of the franchise. Because this next entry in the dead Celtic corpse of Michael? Was bringing back Jamie Lee Curtis

Jesus fucking wept.