What the HELL happened to Friday the 13th Part 9 Jason Goes To Hell!!!

Jason Goes to Hell The Final Friday

What a title right? Jason Goes to Hell, The FINAL Friday. This wasn’t a creative choice by the way. Even though Paramount butt fucked the Friday franchise into oblivion and left Jason in a toxic waste sewer, selling him off. They literally sold Jason off. But not Friday the 13th. They kept the brand name. But sold the rights to Jason Vorhees to new Line. It’s like my ex fiancé when she decided to end the relationship but kept the engagement ring. When I asked her why? She said, because it would remind her of the good memories she had. It makes no fucking sense, but it’s what they did. When you have a pig that plays chess and saved you from a house fire, you don’t eat all that pig at once. So to it was the fate of Jason, and why buying a set of the Friday films became a challenge for the fans.

Lets get into it.

This will not be the last time I tell this story, And I love my sister too much to pull this one out for special occasions. This film will always hold a place close to me. I was obsessed with horror films growing up. My sister is now too. Which is funny itself given her hatred for it before. The way she is about it now I can pull out the Bane line telling her how she thinks being into horror now is cool. But I was born into it. I saw my first slasher before I could walk. I wanted to see this movie in theaters when it came out. Opening weekend. My mom knew I was going to demand seeing it, and she didn’t exactly want to suffer through it. So she pulled the motherly trick on me of. If you can convince your sister to go with you. Then I’ll let you go see it. I am a year older than my sister, at the time as I mentioned she hated horror. She did not want anything to do with a Jason Vorhees movie because. It was going to have naked women in it and she didn’t want to see that. I had read a newspaper review, or it was a Fangoria review, I’m old forgive me. But I told her that this review SPECIFICALLY said…this film unlike previous Friday films, lacked any nudity. I gave her my word there would be no sex, no bouncing booba in this movie what so ever. She glared but shocked my mother and said, okay. She will go.

Within the first 5 minutes of the movie I was proven a liar. I was shown that the review I read had lied, and the moment those tits appeared on screen and the girl stripped down for a shower. My sister deadpan slowly turned to me, judging me right down to my very soul.  I know because I felt it there. Then later on in the movie another sex scene popped up and again. Slowly turned, glaring. Judging.

That is, and will still be the best memory I carry with me of that movie. Thank you Linda. I still declare it wasn’t my fault.

This movie certainly wasn’t my fault either. It is the fault of a society who will put out anything to keep a name it purchased. Well that’s not true, but you might have thought it.

And it also wasn’t because of the MPAA. For once. This came out around 1993. The death grip held by the Imperium against violence and horror was not the entity it had been, or as strong as it was. But that doesn’t mean they neutered poor Jason again. Oh no. See new Line was vastly familiar thanks to Freddy with this game, and how to turn a profit while pushing out what people would expect. As Joe Bob coined, blood, breast, and beast. So they did something Paramount didn’t think to try back two films ago. Something other directors tired of the shit the MPAA was pulling in killing their films and potential careers. They presented a cut down we’re sorry, you were right version of the film. They got their R rating and the movie made its way across theater screens. However when the film would find its way onto VHS at your local store and Blockbuster Video, they would release the film in its bloody uncut glory. Giving horror fans what they’d been missing. It’s not the best thing or an entirely original idea. You wouldn’t get the film how they wanted it in Theaters, but you would at least have something to hold you over until its home video release where you could watch it as god and New Line intended.

It was a critical success for the studio to let gore hounds know their precious character was in the best hands. The right hands, and they would get what had been destroyed in New York and could have been. They’d just have to wait for the blood and gore, and for now enjoy Jason and his return to being Jason. It’s a win win.

But then the movie came out.

There’s a joke that hits far too close to home, and it is why the joke still has power today. Eddie Murphy talked about growing up poor and seeing his friends eating McDonalds hamburgers. Declaring to his mom  I want Mac-don-olds! She she grabbed two slices of wonderbread, fried up a greasy fat ground beef burger and gave it to him. Declaring with a pouty face “This ain’t no McDonalds”, this ain’t no Jason. This was hilariously bad and not in a good way.

The movie was a comedy, a self parody of its return to greatness, under a new identity from the house of Freddy. The formula for Jason is so simple it hurts. Teens go into the woods. Teens smoke pot in the woods. Teens have sex in the woods. Jasons woods. Jason comes out of the woods. Jason kills teens. Jason dies. Simple. To the point. Which does make it stale after you consider they’ve done this for 7 films minus the two MPAA abored films. They could’ve returned to formula and fans would embrace it, new people maybe not so much. But this wasn’t for them. It was for US. They didn’t go to the big city either, they went to town. Within Crystal lake. Jason was home. Away from the scary city of Montreal, away from confusing lakes that join oceans. So how did it fuck up?

For the love of all that is holy WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO JASON?!

The studio hired a young go getter director and handed him their freshly acquired Jason. Ready to make the money Paramount failed at. They told him go to pound town and make daddy proud. Only the director, much like the main producer from The New Blood. Hated Jason. Not the character. The Franchise. They hated what it had become. The running joke as I laid out with the formula. Woods, Teens, Sex, Pot, Jason. You go to see Friday the 13ths, you plan to see these things. He hated that it became a joke. So he was going to course correct, an already course corrected ship. By changing the very essence of how Jason works.

This is where we should discuss the plot before I get too far gone. Because the changes within are what made Jason Goes to hell the very thing it fought not to be.

In this film, Jason and his exploits are well documented. He is a fully known killing machine walking dead meat sack that is 89% unstoppable. So the FBI, CIA, Local Law Enforcement and everyone in between setup a trap in Jason’s backyard. A thick butt nice breasted naked agent alone in the woods. Jason can’t help himself and takes the bait. Only to end up surrounded by snipers, tanks, the army, the navy. Super weapons, explosives and everything inbetween. They all fire at the same time and Jason explodes into chunky meaty bits. Giving us early 90s synth music that just reminds you this isn’t going to get any better. Jason is dead. Long may he reign. That is until the coroner doing the autopsy feels compelled, by evil. To take a giant bite out of the still beating evil heart of Jason. Upon doing so, he has just consumed and became host too the demon seed entity known as Jason.

Jason is now a slug of evil that possesses bodies. Moving on.

So not the Jason escapes and murders people as he stalks for his next body. We are introduced to an interesting character that would’ve made sense after Tommy jarvis, but is a finger breaking joke in this now. Duke. A bounty hunter who has stalked Jason and bought all the new DLC packs full of Jason’s new lore to help explain what Jason is to all of us. Moving on. Jason expands his horizons with the series first man on man open mouth kiss. Sure it could be played as a silly joke, but they carried it on like a Family Guy sketch by dragging it out. Not only did Jason full on man kiss another man. He strapped him down, shirtless, lit some candles, and shaved the stubble from his face and pouty DSL’s. So that he would have the smoothest, softest man lips to embrace fully. Don’t worry this isn’t out to replace or mock Freddy’s Revenge. This is just, well. Jason doesn’t want prickly bear face when he transfers his demon via mouth to mouth. Moving on.

Jason is transferring his demon slug all while trying to get home to his last living relative. An entirely new concept for a horror franchise. A killing returning home to find his last living relative, a young woman. How inventive and fresh. He’s doing this because, as Duke informs us with the new lore. “In a Voorhees was he born, through a Voorhees may he be reborn, and only by the hands of a Voorhees will he die.”, awesome. Great. Moving on.

Only we can’t unfortunately. Because Creighton Duke also mentions…sure by the hands of a Voorhees can he be destroyed. But those hands need to be holding a special ceremonial Kill Jason Dagger, which he doesn’t have. But the old Voorhees house for sure definitely has.

This film is Jason body swapping one body to the next. Incidentally killing anyone he can, on his way to the most what the hell conclusion. I’ve said that a few times now, I am well aware believe me. But this time, its different folks. Previously it was meant out of horror and true disgust. Because those endings pissed off fans. This movie was just confusing people, and no one blamed the man on man kissing either. When our heroes and Jason reach the old Voorhees place. The comedy doesn’t stop. It goes hard. Within this home there is a special Jason killing Dagger. It oddly looks like the Evil Dead Kandarian dagger.

That’s because IT ACTUALLY IS THE KANDARIAN DEMON DAGGER.

The goddamn Necronomicon, the Book of the Dead, Nocronomicon ex-mortis, is in the fucking Voorhees household! Moving on…

They have the weapon to kill Jason, But you can’t have a Jason movie, without Jason. Up until this point we have had a slimy pod beast representing him, and any time you see a mirror and the host is looking at it? You see Jason. Well no one paid for that bullshit(but they did) so it’s time to bring back Jason as we saw him in the first 5 minutes of the film. But how? Through a Voorhees can he be reborn right? Well he is. In the most lunatic, wait for it….what am I watching way. Jason’s demon slug escapes one more time from his dying host body. Only to run toward, in a completely original horror film concept not at all taken from any other property. He skitter runs between a womans legs, up her coochie and is reborn.  Welcome to New Lines Jason.

He is reborn, a fight breaks out. The Jason bounty hunter Mr Duke is killed, the young couple survive and Jason is dragged by horrible puppet hands down into hell. Giving us the one and only seen that made fans…because we had been victims of abuse thus far…cheer. The teaser of Jasons torn beaten zombie mask laying in the dust. Only to have Freddy’s gloved hand shoot up out of hell and drag the mask down.

New Line was hinting that we were finally, at long last. Going to have our battle, because the two IP characters shared the same home at long last.

Was this film a run away success? No.

Did it make money? Well yes. Much like with paramount and their producers. They gave the film a tiny budget, not wanting to blow their load on the recent acquisition just yet. So they tested the waters and gave the film even less than Jason Takes Manhattan, a wallet bursting 3 million. The film made 15 or 16 million dollars so, even though it was a steaming pile of confusing shit that managed the worst thing you can do to a franchise, remove the villain everyone came to see for a majority of the film. A critical failure still made enough money to constitute being a financial success. Which for Hollywood studios is enough to high five each other and go bigger, go harder on the next one.

Nobody wanted this movie. At this point in the franchise people. Fans were scorned and left uninterested in the life and times of Jason Voorhees. The last two previous films did what the MPAA sought to do. It killed off most the fanbase and only the die hards stayed beside their beaten zombie man. Hoping one day he would return to us intact. The idea of Freddy’s home taking him and giving us the Jason of old gave legitimate hope. Bring him back for one more Friday. A serious scary Jason. Not the parody he has become and the director despised.

Instead they made him a joke. An inside meta joke that didn’t land the way it did in Part 6. You had Kane Hodder playing a guard calling his Jason a big pussy, getting killed. You had dirty jokes that didn’t land, a slimy Jason rape baby straight out of XTRO, a stolen Michael Myers plot, and the Evil Dead tie in. that was laid out like an easter egg, instead of explained to us.

Now keep in mind, this is straight from the director. One of his pet peeves with Jason, was how he could magically teleport wherever the teens were, and how even more magically he could grow from a child that drowned into a full grown man. Die, come back, and for the sake of his own film now. How Jason would go from being a child we saw swimming in toxic waste, into being a full grown adult.

So his logic, in hating this magic Jason seemed to have, and all of horror has had. Was to bring in the Evil Dead.

He was a fan of the Evil Dead series and decided it was the best way to explain Jason. Build new lore and potentially give us. Far down the road what the comics eventually did. Ash vs Jason.

The idea was this. After the death of her dear baby boy Jason. Pamela tracks down the book of the dead. She translates its passages, storing the Kandarian dagger in a drawer(it came as a bonus item for purchasing the collectors edition). She made a deal with the deadites. Bring me back my boy. Which they did. Only they brought him back as an evil murderous respawning demon. Which only the Kandarian demon dagger or Ash could kill.

Now. The film never once tells us this. The characters don’t even unearth that knowledge. The book and dagger are just there. Just sitting there. Is it a fun idea? Yeah it is. It could’ve been interesting and it would have landed as a fun “Oooh okay! Haha” moment had they just included a little line of dialog, even Duke could have told them, “Pamela hunted down this book, she summoned demons known as the deadites and made a deal to save her son”, but no. We got nothing and had to like it.

Now in retrospect this film is a mess and full of jokes and parody of itself. In truth when it came out? It was full of jokes and parodied itself. It was a sign of things to come, which would eventually happen with the release of Bride of Chucky. The self referencing, self deprecating horror comedy. It just didn’t work. The reason some fans. Not all. Thankfully. But some fans give this film a pass is because of the teased ending of Jason and Freddy finally meeting up. Which would happen 10 years after this film.

Even when they owned the characters. They just couldn’t get it off the ground in time for that promised ending to have its pay off. Instead it left fans groaning and again hopeful they would someday get the Jason of old. Or the studio would have mercy and let it die.

So with the MPAA free of blame and no bible waving madmen decreeing this an abomination. What caused its downfall? This we can blame, I believe. On bad writing. As stated, the director had some interesting ideas for a new Jason which didn’t land so well. Again don’t pull the person people want to see out of your movie and tease him until the end. It never works out. But this film went through a lot of hoops before it got green lit. If you think there is a better version of this floating out there? There isn’t. A better script unused? Not a chance in hell. The other movies were rewritten because of cost and removal of violence. This film went through several scripts before the director said this is it. This is the story we are telling. Want an idea what else this could’ve been? Sure why not.

So Jason failed to deliver destroying New York, everyone was let down by that. So they considered bringing Jason to the next best thing. Los Angeles.

It’s not worth bickering over, but just incase so you can have a chuckle. Crystal Lake in canon? Exist in New Jersey. Moving on.

So the idea shopped around at the time, was what the Leprechaun films would tackle in two sequels. Jason would go to the hood. Specifically Jason would fight the Bloods and the Crips. That’s what the studio took from us. Jason haunting the inner city and bringing two rival gangs together to defeat him. Keep in mind I was hopeful for something good here. Not in the movie but in the failed scripts. Ever since the long ago released news that Peter Jackson had written a script for what later became Freddy’s Dead, and his idea for an old man Freddy being bullied in the dream world HIS domain by teens no longer afraid of him. That gave me hope Jason had similar floating out there. A lot of interest ideas were floating around Hollywood and that was very true of the Freddy vs Jason scripts. But no. Jason vs Crips, VS Bloods. That was the next best thing the studio had. Rightfully though they shut that idea down and said get fucked.Instead, another script was floated. Which was less cringy bad, but still not the right course. This time around. They brought out the nearly could have happened almost did happen Goerge Lucas idea for Empire Strikes Back.

For those who don’t know. When Empire Strikes back was being put together. Mark Hamill had suffered a bad car accident. It was unknown if he’s actually make it let alone be in the film. George got busy with dealing in that possibility. A new script idea was being worked on for Star Wars where, Luke would be killed off screen by Vader after the destruction of the Death Star, and his BROTHER would go seeking out the rebel alliance for help in avenging his brother. It sounds horrible hearing now, but imagine had this happened back then? Well Jason faced the same idea. Jason would have a, I can’t believe this was considered but. A deformed brother, Elias.

Pamela either was tits deep in incest, or rolled the worst dice when it came to having Babies. In this script, Jason was resting peacefully in the healing waters of Lake Crystal Light. Elias was always jealous of Jason getting moms attention and love, but more so his ability to just never really die. So Elias, in his jealousy, dealing with the loss of their mom killing in the name of his brother, and the fact his brother always returns to these healing waters to rest and return. He’s had enough of it and decided to eat the heart of Jason to obtain these abilities. Leveling him up immediately and giving us new Jason, who would still body hope. While chasing down more family members until being reborn. Now don’t worry. The studio hated this idea too.

However…

Producers were moving forward and already scouting locations, getting ready for this to happen. The most they could do. Was ensure the destruction of the film.

Even though they new how to better handle and get around the MPAA, they didn’t know how to handle stressful situations. Apparently. They could’ve pulled a full stop. But instead they acted like acted like Diddy covered in baby oil chasing down party guest. Just too slippery to stop anything!

So they did what they thought best. They forced rewrites to be done under a week, hired an inexperienced director and told him DO THE THING AND MAKE IT WORK!  I’m not joking here, the director Adam Marcus was straight out of his graduation gown and told to save this million dollar money machine. That’s insane! But they did it. Because it made sense to just rush along the runaway train instead of letting it crash and starting over.

But given Pamela Voorhees luck with twin deformed babies, maybe they worried the same would happen.

So we have a rushed rewrite keeping the body swapping Jason. What else contributed? Hard rewrites from the studio of course! What Disney now calls part of making Marvel movies, New Line was doing in a panic. Imagine if you will. A Jason film where the only time you have Jason in the woods was in the beginning, chasing a naked lady in a towel. Well you covered one aspect of Jason, the nudity. But where are the horny drug smoking teens? The film had none. It was moving on and being more serious. Except that fans during test screenings demanded they have their drunk pot `smoking teens. It gives Jason life and purpose. So the one scene we have, randomly in the movie? Where we have campers having sex, camping in the woods drinking it up? Yeah. That was a reshoot. Added because of fan demand. YOU CAN’T DO JASON WITHOUT CAMPERS!!

It’s insane. Pure insanity. But when you begin thinking studios have your franchise memorized and know what makes it tick, Jason Goes to Hell happens. Jason was about a time and place. Teens taking on the summer job of being camp counselors. I have been to camp. Once. Once. The camp counselors there? Did a lot of questionable shit they thought was edgy and cool. I have told people about my adventures in camp that one summer and can tell you, the things the male counselor’s did were things that would get you arrested and should have. Did they bang fellow counselors? We know at least two did, and one of the others flirted with a LOT of my classmates. A. lot. We were in 6th grade by the way.

In Friday the 13th it was about the setting. Simple. Teens out in the woods working a crap job. Setting up camp getting ready for campers that would never make it. Each film was the same setup. Someone else bought the camp, reopened it ,despite it being called Camp Blood. They get along, flirt, have sex, smoke pot because that was the style at the time, and they were killed. It just became a running joke.  That the filmmakers used to get asses in seats, yes. Absolutely. But it was still handled in an incidental tongue in cheek way. It wasn’t the star of the show. The kills were. But when a franchise carries on this long for that many sequels. It’s bound to happen. Just more so and poorly when it’s done as a joke.

So we had a bad script. Rewrites to make it make sense, including Duke, the Jason bounty hunter. Who didn’t help at all. What else could happen to add to this?

Enter the series creator, and producer. Sean S Cunningham. The man had his Wes Craven moment of “Look what they did to my boy!” the man actively hated what they did to Jason. He hated his hockey mask and always had. He hated that he became a literal zombie. He wanted something more in line with what inspired him to make his cash grab franchise. He wanted a Michael Myers shape that just never died. Somehow always survived but remained mostly(mostly) human. He famously told them to get rid of his damn mask. The iconic thing grabbed at random in part 3 to keep Jason out of a potato sack. Sure fuck it why not.

But the hits keep on coming! The ending was another painful reshoot. Not because the original ending didn’t make sense and needed changing. Unfortunately that would have been welcome. But no. The ending was always intended Jason gets dragged down to Hell. Only it was left up to the masters at KNB effects to do so. They made animatronic puppet demons. Which I know. It already sounds bad(it was, very bad) They made these demons, and the idea was simple. These mud demons would pop out from the soil like scary muppets, Grab onto Jason and tare his body apart. The heroes nearly being torn apart themselves. Fortunately this didn’t get included because the puppets failed horribly, and what they did film and thanks to the recent boxed sets you can now see said film. It looked comically bad. Like really, really bad. They spent money on this bad. So that is why they opted to change it, keep the demon hands, and just simplify it. Jason gets his nuts grabbed by demon hands and pulled into his forever grave.

Lets wrap this up and summarize this whole thing, because it genuinely warrants hearing for clarity.

A bad script already moved forward.

3 days to rewrite it

A series creator and big producer telling you to unmask and unmake Jason

Rushed reshoots

New and rushed ending

Destroying lore and creating new lore

A 22year old director right out the doors of film school and a studio endlessly tinkering and pulling at him.

Too many cooks ruin a serial killing zombie.

When a studio makes an investment, and doesn’t know the other hand is moving ahead without them. Forcing them to rush along and catch up. Panics and studio interference. It was never going to succeed. But they did achieve their goal. They made a profit after spending a tiny sprinkle of cash. Their investment was secured and therefor Freddy could fight Jason.

Again 10 years from this film. So before we got that gem of a film, which it really was. We had one last Kane Hodder film. The truly last Friday the 13th, before the reboot.